love

Finding Joy in a Desolate Season

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Life is great when all is well, but we all know that it’s not always happiness and joy. There are seasons of rain and drought. The passages of scripture in the Bible in the book of Ecclesiastes says that there is a time for everything :

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven: 2A time [a]to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

There have been times of sadness and joy, times when I feel like I’m in a desert, a place with no water to fulfill my thirty soul. There have been times of rejoicing when hopes come into fruition, but in the dry season of life, should there never be any joy?

Moreover, the rain in life that satisfies the thirst for dreams, wishes or goals, doesn’t always quench and coming to realizing once again, the joy inside me.

It’s been a long while, walking through life, trying to put my faith in Christ, when things seem to not go as expected, a waiting pattern that seems to strip hope away day after day. The ever so common question arises, “why God why?

Feeling distant as if God is silent, doubt starts to settle in. Where is He? Is He still listening? Then a series of events within two days happens, each resulting from the next. First, receiving a notification of a compromised account, led to having to get a new card and finally, after searching for a new car for the past month and a half, I finally inquired of a car loan, she told me I was approved and granted the exact amount I was thinking in my head.

In addition, since searching for a car for so long, I wasn’t under pressure because my car was still doing fine, mechanically. Then for the first time, when I turned on my car before going to the bank, my check engine light came on, which was the first time ever.

I had mentioned this to the teller and she told me the exact thing I was thinking, that, “the Lord is telling you to get a new car.” I had been taking my time about purchasing and she mentioned something about having to be under pressure to finally do it, like with the check engine light.

Maybe to most this might not seem like a big deal or coincidence, but having been in seasons of hearing His voice inside of me, then being in a desolate silent desert for long, then once again, the rain comes and that very clear message that God gives, satisfies my soul.

It is like rain drops in the desert, an instant thirst quencher.

Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Matthew 4:4

It is the confirmation of His love, undoubtedly letting me know that He’s listening. He’s with me and has not forgotten about me & that alone, is all I need for joy.

Choosing Purpose Over Feelings

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Never exempt from having a bad day, it is expected, sometimes everyday, once a week, once a month or several times a year. Things will go bad, maybe a flat tire, parking ticket, loosing a wallet, a job, a break-up or the worst, a loved one.

Even in the worst times, life goes on and for some that play a critical position that many depend on, we have to forsake our feelings and live outside of ourselves to fulfill a greater purpose. When we have a position to fulfill and need to be at a certain place at a certain time, it seems at that time, right before you break-through, it can feel like a ton of bricks full of emotions is thrown down at you, wanting to keep you from getting off of the floor. That, of a tidal wave on its way toward you ready to knock the heck out of you.

Yes, emotions are a blessing, but sometimes you wish they weren’t there. At the turning points in life, where you are doing something that will break barriers carried from generation to generation, it’s as if opposition is tremendously stronger than what anyone else is going through, as if you are carrying the weight of previous generations to the finish line.

I’ve felt the struggle when I had to persevere through tough times when I felt I wanted to give up or hopeless of ever making it. The most pain-staking times have to be the times when I had to be somewhere at a certain time for the purpose of serving God in certain ways. Although, volunteering to be a camera person in church may sound minuscule to some, when I had to leave home to drive to church, strong emotional pain hit me so hard all of a sudden. I felt like not going. It was my first day or serving and I did not want to go. It’s important to recognize the works of the enemy, the dark-side that wants to keep us from crossing into something greater. With tears falling from my eyes as an emotional wreck, I made it and at the end of the service, I received a blessing that was the start of a changed life.

If not for emotional pain coming at the wrong time, there were times I felt way too tired to go, almost changing my mind and had I listened to my feelings, I wouldn’t have been blessed just by getting into my car, driving over and walking into church.

The most life-changing time was before I got baptized, I kept getting thoughts, telling me I’m not ready or that it won’t change anything or that I’m not worthy in God’s eyes, but I proceeded and it changed my life forever.

Even if we feel tired, emotionally distraught or depressed, sometimes surrendering to God also means, surrendering our feelings and knowing that there’s something much greater than our ourselves, but God’s purpose. Instead of allowing feelings to take over, it’s better to get down on your knees and just worship God, not because of your difficult situation, but because who God is and that He is worthy to be praised.

So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed.

Exodus 17:11

Worshiping God does not always mean lifting up our hands, but also obedience and sacrifice or putting God above anything or anyone we love. Look up, not inwards and let Him pour out His love, peace and joy on you today.

Love Defined from the Source

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woman sitting while showing heart sign hands
Photo by Hassan OUAJBIR on Pexels.com

Depending on the source, the idea or definition of love can vary. From childhood, to being a teenager and into adulthood. From inside our home to outside of it, the depth of what love is can be so broad leaving one forever seeking out the true definition.

As a child growing up in America, I was exposed to many Disney movies and for those familiar with it, most of those movies were about a princess and a prince who met, had “love at first sight,” then got married and lived happily ever after. All those stories plant a seed in us to carry on in life believing there’s that love at first sight and happily ever after, neglecting the dynamics of two people that come from different backgrounds coming together and trying to become one.

It is usually a walk-in-the-park at the beginning, smooth sailing on the intense curiosity of the other person, but after most of the mystery is gone, things begin to change, reality sets in and you begin to look at your life rather than the other person. Maybe some personal issues start to come up, then the past, then you begin to see the bigger impact that the environment that you grew up in has on your view of what love is.

Maybe that environment was full of anger, bitterness, sweeping things under the table or never coming to resolutions, but silent treatments, temporary or permanent separations or maybe love in the household had conditions attached to it. Then, stepping outside of the house, the source for defining love may have been through movies watched or music listened to with friends or in the car. If it’s not happily ever after with Disney, maybe it’s defined through the explicit lyrics of a song making some believe that love has something to do with, on clean terms, sleeping.

Sometimes lines are drawn when it comes to loving someone, which is usually followed by, “I will or won’t love you if…” told by a significant other or by a parent. I can still remember getting off of the plane with my sister and my Mom telling us that she didn’t love us because we were misbehaving on the plane and not listening to her. There were other times that my parents would make us feel unloved because we did or didn’t do what they wished so I grew up believing that love was conditional. With all the movies and music around me, my definition of love was all the more tainted.

It wasn’t until Jesus came into my life, that I finally found the meaning of love. As I read His word, the Bible and spent time with the Lord in prayer, the meaning of love became clear. His love is unconditional, pure and so powerful. He is merciful and gracious. Nothing we do can ever separate us from His love.

32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?…..35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?…. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:32,35, 38-39

He is the definition of love and the expression of it was when Jesus was nailed to the cross for our sins. He gave himself fully to us, nothing held back. Although we may not see the value in ourselves, God sees otherwise. Who better to know us than the Creator who created us for love. He is the pure definition of love.

He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4:8

The act of love is defined in 1 Corinthians. In most versions, the word, “love” is used, but the old King James version uses the word, “charity”. It is a good source to compare our own acts of love and where our heart stands.

4 Charity suffers long, and is kind; charity envies not; charity vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; 6 Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Charity never fails: ….. 13 And now abides faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7,13

Without knowing what love is, who love is or how to love, how do we love others? It starts with finding love. With all the laws, Jesus says that the greatest commandment can fill all. When you love God, He will begin to fill you with His love, then you will be able to love others. His greatest commandment is this:

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 22:37-40

We are all valuable in Christ as He deemed us worthy to die for all of us. All of us, including what the world thinks is the worst. This is love, that He gave His all. If God is love, then the more you get to know Him, the more you know love. The next time you find yourself feeling unloved, look up at the sky and know that God is there and that you are loved by Him. If you want to know Him, just ask Jesus to show up. Believe and receive.

The King Within

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Transformation of Jesus painting by Vange
Transformation by Vange L.

If you’ve ever watched the movie, The Gladiator, that is one of my favorite movies. What I like about it, is how it focuses on a character by the name of Maximus who went from a commander of an army to a slave; yet although he became a slave, he still had the same ability to lead a team in a fight to victory. He did not loose his identity because he was no longer a commander. He was still the same man that a dying emperor had chosen to take his place. Although Maximus was not a prince nor in the blood line of one, the man on the inside had what was needed to rule a nation and being a slave did not take away what was already embedded inside of him.

Watching the movie jogged my memory back to a story told by my pastor at church. Occasionally churches do outreaches, where they distribute many items to those in need, within or outside of the country. It takes money, volunteers, preparation and time. Sometimes people choose to volunteer their time, others donate money or personal items. The need was announced at the beginning, then at the end of service, a man who wanted to financially help out requested to meet with the pastor. When the pastor first saw the man he noticed his rundown looking clothing and his scruffy facial hair. He could have passed for a homeless man so when he told the Pastor about the amount of money he wanted to donate, it was an absolute shock. The homeless looking man wasn’t just rich, but he was a King from another country.

Before Jesus came into the world, He sat on a throne as king, but He chose to come into the world as a peasant. He did not come dressed as a king with gold and expensive clothing or with a palace. Some came to the realization of Jesus as King by being around Him. Some experienced His miracles and others, His love and grace. He came for everyone: the rich, the poor, the lame, the sinners, even the ones that the world would consider scum. He hung out with a few people that society abhorred, like a tax collector or a woman who once sold herself for money. He touched and healed lepers or what society considered, the unclean. He did not live extravagantly, although He could have by turning water into wine, healing the sick or by being all knowing. He did not need riches to accomplish His purpose, nor clothing to get people to realize that He is the Son of God. People saw that He is Lord, when they looked at His heart. He took the cross as a criminal would and along with it, the sins of the world: the hatred, anger, pain, bitterness and everything else that needed to be washed away in order for us to be clean and right before God. The sin that would have killed us, He took it upon Himself on the cross. With that powerful love comes surrender and worship.

Isaiah 53: 4-5 “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

Understanding the Bible

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Many years back, in middle school, I was handed a tiny New Testament book, which is the other half of the Bible, beginning with Jesus coming into the world and God’s message that spread like fire after the death of Jesus. Although, I must add, the other half of the Bible, the Old Testament, written before Christ was born into the world, foreshadows His birth and purpose.

I kept the New Testament in my room, not intending to read it. We had a Bible at home, which was gigantic and heavy. It seemed to just serve the purpose of decoration for the coffee table. No one ever read it, just opened it to look through, the rest of the time, it collected dust.

There was a time when I opened up the tiny New Testament sitting on top of my radio. It was a hard time for me, one of those emotionally heart aching times when It felt like things were never going to improve. It was a King James Version, the hardest version to read with the old English. After trying to understand the few versus I read, I got frustrated and just threw it, and questioned, “Why God?”

My recollection of Bible reading was just watching both of my Grandmas read it. I always thought it was something to read when one gets closer to potentially passing away. I didn’t hear a testimony from either of them about what it does for them and just assumed it was preparation for them before leaving this earth.

Many years I spent without knowing the treasure it contained, that it is like a guide for life. It has been said that the BIBLE stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth and that it is. It reveals who God is and answers life’s questions. Although it’s been written decades ago, the words still apply to life today.

The Bible holds the message of faith hope and love, which remains. There are many theories and philosophies about life, but the Bible holds the truth. When something it true, it can never be denied. Of all books, the Bible is the only one that actually reads the reader. It goes hand and hand with a relationship with God. I’ve heard many say that they’ve read the Bible so many times and they cannot understand it. It’s not just any book. It doesn’t matter how intelligent someone might be, the message speaks to the soul, not so much the mind.

When I first started reading it, I had others interpret it for me, but I questioned their perspective of the message behind the words. I question what sounded contradictory. I question Jonah being eaten by a fish and the donkey speaking to a man. There are many stories in the Bible of the miracles of God, but from a world that looks at a dependency on God as a weakness, pride and self-righteousness can be a blindfold to the truth.

It wasn’t until I restarted my prayer life and kept seeking God and His truth and who He is, that the Bible, the Word of God started to seek me. The situations in my life, the confusion or trouble I was facing would be eased as I opened up to the perfect verse in the Bible. When the eyes of my soul started to open up and I started to realize that God is actually speaking me through His word, it started to make sense. Over an over again, consecutively, I would open up to the few words I needed to read at that exact moment. I could no longer deny His existence. I could no longer deny that God didn’t know me by name.

It took me walking out of a totaled car, after God was telling me about it two weeks before it happened and even that morning, that I finally realized who He is. That He loves me. God loves the world as said in John 3:16, “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” A year later I fully surrendered my life to Him and was baptized. That day I opened up the Bible and for the first time, I could clearly understand the scriptures. Although some passages can be straightforward, there are many that can only be comprehended by the spirit and not the mind.

I pray that anyone questioning the meaning behind the scriptures will start on the path to finding the truth, to seeking out who God is and eventually come to the point of realizing that God is love and He knows your name. I would suggest finding a Bible study to join. I pray it would have a good leader strong in interpretation of the Word. The book of John is usually a good starting point, then there’s the book of Romans and Psalms. There are churches out there with small groups/Bible study groups to sign up for through their church website. May this is a a starting point for many to start walking in the truth and the light of God.

From Spiritual Darkness to the Light

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For a few weeks, the lights have been nearly out in my closet. Finally, I went out to get new bulbs and after starring and contemplating on which LED lights to get, I went with the soft white, 1800 lumens. While standing in line some random guy walked up and asked me to purchase something hygiene related that he couldn’t afford to buy. He was asking around for almost a hour and everyone said no. He claimed that he was homeless and just recently got a job, but not paid yet.

Before this, I’ve had thoughts about helping someone out at the cash register short on cash so the fact that something similar happened in reality, I decided to accept the opportunity.

While waiting in line, we started chatting. It started with his necklace, which looked like silver formed as an upside down cross and a pentagram at the front center. I kind of knew what it meant, but wasn’t completely sure so I asked him about it. He told me he’s into some occultism, basically he’s a satanist. I told him I’m a Christian and that even if he’s a satanist, Jesus still loves him.

There’s always a reason for someone to get into stuff like that so I asked him what made him start getting into that? He said it was the dark times in his life. Then he told me about how his Mother died of cancer, which was what happened to my Mom as well. When my Mom died I started watching dark videos like ghosts caught on video or some poltergeists stuff. Eventually the Lord spoke to my heart about it and helped me to see what it was doing to me so I had to stop. I could’ve easily gone down a dark path as loosing my Mom was the most devastating event in my life. There were times where I felt my heart stop beating as I was extremely stressed by emotionally distraught. But I’m thankful for the Lord being my backbone and holding me back from falling and loosing my mind. If I didn’t have faith in God, I may have even gone down the same or similar path.

It was interesting how I was buying light bulbs to light up a dark closest as Jesus is the light of the world. “John 8:12 in the Bible says, “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” What perfect significance for that moment.

It sounded like after life hit this guy hard, he got off track and walked into darkness. I hope and pray that this will mark a turning point for him as he is mislead. He even was convinced that Lucifer loves him, but I told him that’s not true. Lucifer wants to ruin every human beings life, bring to ruins and end in hell. God is love and Jesus taking the cross is the expression of God’s love for us. He would give his own life for us like taking a bullet along the path to our heart.

I believe that the moment was of no coincidence, it was God’s perfect orchestrating of time, for while he is walking in darkness unable to see the way, he needs to know that even in the darkness hour, God is there reaching out to him. I hope that he will realize and remember that God is still there thinking about him, no matter what his past or present is. God’s love for whom the world may consider unworthy, is unfathomable, but that’s who God is, His love is unconditional. My prayers go out to him. May he find his way to the light.

Emotionally Vulnerable In the Right Hands

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Some may believe that life is about accumulating saying, “whoever dies with the most toys wins,” yet the Bible says otherwise, it’s the bold truth that never leaves your face. You can run and hide from the truth, but it always seems to catch up and find you.

The truth of the matter is that life is more than collecting tangible items, as God’s greatest commandment is in Matthew 22:36-39 KJV, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. [38] This is the first and great commandment. [39] And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”

For some, emotions are like a volcano waiting to explode, yet others, like the ice sitting in Antartica, frozen for millions of years slowly melting away. Being vulnerable can be scary sometimes as it can bring about two extreme opposite results. If you can’t handle the worst result, you may hold yourself back to receiving the best. But my oh my, it’s a sad thing when our emotions get attached to the wrong people or things as they are here today and gone tomorrow…or maybe just eventually. Even if someone stays in your life for so long, no one lives forever. So why attach ourselves? We are bound to love our neighbor, basically, be in communion with other beings.

However, there can be seasons where people have failed us, for some that season never ends, and so we’ve placed our faith to bring about happiness in our lives through things or other non-human beings. Although pets bring much joy, entertainment and companionship, human interaction is still a part of the livelihood of our soul.

For many without pets, money or other tangible items become the reliance for joy, like that new car, new watch or purse, but we all know, that high doesn’t last for too long. We know material items can never love us back.

Then there’s money, probably the number one on most of everyone’s list. It can be the fuel to fulfilling the emptiness inside of us with material items and if that’s not enough, mind or mood altering substances.

After toiling trying to fill that empty hole inside that seems to grow larger, we repeat the same actions, only to realize for the hundredth time that it still leaves us all the more empty.

So why keep doing it? For the many things or people we can loose, we can never loose God and He will never leave us. Which is why, above all things we can subject our own vulnerable emotions in the hands of God and who better than the one that lives forever, the incorruptible, the one who will never leave us or forsake us who’s love for us is always unconditional. He never changes.

So the next time you think you can’t live without someone or something, ask yourself, is your heart in God’s hands? That is where it will be protected. Scared of your emotions? Let God have all of it and give a small portion of it to whom the Lord chooses.